Rewritten ( Thai to English language )
England, the unforgettable land Mother and son
Windsor, Berkshire England
Windsor, the beautiful, well plan, orderly, tourist attraction and also full of classy English residents’ area. It’s vibrant atmosphere, reminiscent of classical music, traditional melody and rhythms was popular centuries ago and still renowned. Windsor Great Park covers most of the town centre. It is a Royal Park of 2020 hectares, itself surrounded by tall trees. Inside the park, the Long Walk gives us a breath-taking view of the front of Windsor castle and leads to Windsor Great Park, surrounded by grasses, and magnificent tall trees, hundreds of years old, on both sides of the walk. It is located at the edge of town centre and yet red deer are easily spotted and also do birds. Touching the aroma of dried leaves in Autumn is divine. The freshness that welcomes Summer along with various colours of the leaves of the trees, mixed with the atmosphere of cold wind which comes in December; the combination of these in the air is astonishing! Taking a look at two Royal Guardsmen who proudly stand in front of Windsor Castle, taking a look at a grand statute of Queen Victoria, the great historic queen of England, she stood on the lawn of the castle. The River Thames is not far from front of the castle, there are fishes, bevies of swans, the majority of them are white, with a metal ring with a seal on their left leg to signify that every swan is own by someone and that someone is Queen Elizabeth II. This place has many types of story to tell and it includes a story of a small a Thai woman. This is my letter that I wrote to my son, Sam.
Chapter 1 the best definition of Mother to Son
On the bank of the Thames, in the middle of one rainy night in September, which was mixed with very sad atmosphere, my heart was full of confusion, wanting to shed tear like this falling rain but the tear wouldn’t come….. I picked up the court order, looked at it. Was my heart revealed pain and broken with a wrong decision???? I had decided to divorce your father. I looked back and remembered, You told me that, “England is my home and I want to grow up here. I love it here, this is my country” I asked myself, “Would it be right or wrong for me to leave Sam in England instead of taking him back to Thailand, my beloved country? But for your sake, Sam, I’ll endure life’s challenges so that you can grow up in this country, your beloved country. I am a foreigner; my English was not good enough to understand English law and culture. My poor knowledge of English was my down fall. I tried to find work but fail, son, you’re only 9 years old. Your father had no family to lend us support. there was sister Dao, an important older Thai friend who was the only support I had. I tried to learn English so that I could find work to gain money to survive.
One night, I looked around my bedroom, in the corner, illuminated by the green light, where the wall met the blue ceiling, I saw emptiness. On a good quality brown leather cover of almost brand-new bed which your father had bought just at the end of last Summer. You walked in, saw me, looked at me and said, “You always told me. Don’t give up.” That encouraged me to carry on living, even though, I sometimes asked myself that “Why don’t I, myself run out of strength to face life’s challenges even though I have had you and sister Dao to lend me support…….?” Sister Dao married to an English man, they live here, she’s an older sister as well as very good friend. She always helps and support me. Your moral support gave me encouragement, be mindful of the goal of my life, thinking positive and that’s why I could pull myself together and face the life challenges. Your moral support was helping me greatly too and your wholehearted love helped me to pick myself up half way and the rest was my own effort. Sam, you gave me great strength, moral support, along with whole heartedly love, and you were my only heart.
The next morning sister Dao visited us, we walked on the bank of the Thames, older sister said, “Think carefully, pray then every-things will get better.” She’s always lends us support in all circumstances, happy or sad. She was good a friend and ready to give anything to us. I sometime felt lonely, in need of a friend, and she was there for me. I wished that everyone would love and understood me the same. But the reality was that everyone needed love. There’s no certainty in life, there’s no perfection. Human being’s feelings change frequently, it liked the rain fall. Sometimes it’s stormy, but life’s colour can be Rainbow which is equal to painful. Painful life is Lightening. Lonely and cold are Raining and happiness is Sunshine and life can be put off. Tomorrow, I had to face the Court Bailiffs again and they wanted to take away your father’s house. I was confused, didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to fight with the court any more.
Chapter 2 The best period of time
My love for you gave me hope, and made me forget sadness, loneliness that were in my heart. They turned to happiness whenever I had a chance to write to you. This pen was like a stream of ink that gave breath of life to me through every second, every minute, and through them into hours. It energised my life every new day. Even though the road was rough, and hard to tread and you were not with me, liked when you were younger. The best part of our lives was we spent together in the UK. We always had time to travel to foreign countries, I think about you all the time, especially about being together at home my. We organized Summer Parties, You, your friends and I had lots of fun. Those pictures were imprinted in my heart for ever. They include school sports day, School Christmas Nativity in the school chapel every year. We listened to musicians and the choir. I remembered a song “God save the Queen” and “Praise to God in the highest” and meeting and greeting important visitors to Windsor. Queen Elizabeth II, the royal wedding of Prince Edwards, Earl of Wessex in Windsor Castle, an annual Royal Windsor horse show and other important royal events. I dedicated this part my life to nurturing you and all of it was memorable; none of it was wasted. Every hour, every day, I tried to be patient, and especially to teach….. Patiently looking forward for my son to grow up, strong enough to be able to stand on his two own feet. When you were younger, I said that I would like to see you be independent, “If one day, I am gone, you will be able to help yourself.” Even if I shouldn’t have said that, when this time did come, I knew why did I had said something like that. I hadn’t died yet, but we separated from each other. The difference was the distance only and the word “separation”. Nevertheless, I was very proud of you. The chance to be with you, was wonderful for every second, and every day, I reaped the full benefit of the time that you and I spent together. We were together for more than 15 years.
I always thought I owed a lot to England, especially when I had just graduated from Art University. I am a designer, I like creative thinking, and exchanged knowledge and philosophy with other artists in museums. There were many stories about European history. I believed that you would grow up and be successful in the UK, where you were born, the land you spent your new life among many people from all over the world.
Chapter 3 The impressive words
One day after I left home, many months ago, you telephoned, and asked about a painting that we had done together of The Thames. “Dearest mother, will you give me the painting back as I would like to keep it? We painting it together”. I had nothing to remind me of us doing things together. You said it’s very important to you. “It’s the only painting together in this house.” You want to keep it as life time memory forever. After I hung up the phone, tears fell all over my face. I never thought that Sam loved me so much, Sometimes I had complained to myself, that you didn’t love me so much. I used to think that you didn’t recognise how important I was to you, but when it came to this day, I cried. Crying, I told my friend Amanda that “Sam had told me about the painting that he and I painted together. She looked understandingly, I want to thank her for making me laugh and supporting me while I was working in this new place. I continued working day in and day out, I had good foreign friends and they understood me well. I had strength to face life challenges today so that I could face tomorrow with no despair. Returning to live in the UK in this short period of time, give me another lesson, I experienced another aspect of living in the UK as a foreigner. This land that welcomed people from every nation British was like a gigantic land and this land was important as it opened to receive foreigners to come in and settle. As a foreigner, I thought that I was very lucky to spend my time in this country, the country which was full of many, many histories. I believed that this country also gave chance to many people too.
Chapter 4 Distance separates us but not my heart!
I woke up one morning feeling fresh and happy after 8 hours sleeping and not traveling. I saw myself as an optimistic person who understood people around. Maybe, I was feeling better, having recovered cure from depression. I thought of you all the time, especially, the time when we were together. Sam was a very good boy, who never gave me any trouble, You were like the most special friend in the world.
God gave you to me, you were like everything that’s beautiful in the world. You were the best God gift from God to me. I was very happy after you were born. You were liked the best friend that I could trust. You acknowledged my feelings and understood me best. it’s liked I had got everything and my life was completed. Strangely, people want clear answer to their problems which sometimes don’t have them. People liked to blame others, to dwell in the past, think to themselves better than others, to daydream, control others, to create colour in the wrong way, and be selfish. On that day, I realized that people did all these things to protect themselves, but they were mistaken. These things caused people to get lost, in real life, there were many righteous paths for people to tread on but people didn’t like the Peaceful Path they prefer the wrong one. They try to find their way but walk round and round in the circle, no one’s clear goal, I had learnt that I had lived with painful and broken heart for many years. I felt like my heart was crying all the time. I felt liked a dead person after I left home and live alone without by my side. I could not teach you school work, nor how to live. Nor could get to get to know almost all of your friend in new school. Luckily, I had chance to get to know almost all of your friends in previous school, St. John’s School. Your father and I lavish effort on your education in a good school, with a good social circle so that you could have classy friends, Even though, we lived in different home, different town, different country, different continent and different culture. One thing I learnt, was that my heart was never be far from yours. I always had you in my heart. You were liked a sculpture that was formed by me, which was beautiful art work of yours, was beautiful, well form, well balance like the one perfect art work. Thanks to your father’s effort too. The important thing was that this beautiful art work should grow up, nable to create beautiful art work yourself. Using your creativity and gift that you had to create good, beautiful, positive, creative, good quality continuingly in the world.
Chapter 5 Curing sickness with Understanding
Sometime depression would get better from knowing true love, how to love others. Don’t expect too much from others, think about one’s need less, get to understand the problem. If you do this, understanding one’s self become easy. Then this attitude will enable us to look at the world positively. We need to know about understanding people who is near and dear to us is liked putting oneself into others’ shoes. Looking at things with positivity and not being sceptical or anger, knowing how to give, forgive, and learning how to be less demanding from others as well as oneself. Learning about one self in the right way, trying not to play victim. Trying not to think that one is sick or disappointed, or else the result will return back to us and we will get angry at ourselves and everything around. I started to understand depression by learning from my own emotions. I believe that human being has a lot of mental energy, positive and negative. Simple example, one morning, one breathes in fresh air. It makes you feel fresh, like positive energy is pouring into you. One has to learn that one has control or self-control. This positive emotion, positive feeling, this positive feeling causes one to be mindful of things and try to look at everything positively. No matter how bad things get (Negative) into our way, you must look for the silver lining. Then things will get better.
I didn’t love myself before this or I love myself in the wrong way, and I did for a long time. I knew that by I widely opening heart and mind, I would understand everything. Then life would be to easier to handled. This calmed me, liked drop of water, gently falling, one by one and filling a bottle in the end. Our hearts are like that. If you want to control emotions or disturbing thing entered your heart, you should take it calmly and slowly like the falling of drop water. If drops of water are rain, they will refresh us emotionally, but if the drops of water are dew, they can make open to sickness, fear, and disappointment. Fear of loss prevents us from facing the truth. These are negative thinking. In real life, good things (good luck) and bad things (bad luck) come our way every day. In the past I saw bad things that happened to me, and then looked at them from a positive angle. In the past, I liked listening to others too much, I cared too much about someone else’s feelings and sometimes craved their love, and want others around me to love each-other all the time. I have found that I opened the door of my life to others and let their thoughts influence mine too much because I would have liked to please them, and wanted to be loved by them so much so that I neglect to protect my own heart. I think that I destroyed myself. The truth is that I must not let anyone control my heart. I must be able to stand on my own two feet, like I taught you, “Live with moderation” “Not too much, not too little”. To day I am happy to realize that I am being myself more. I had found new method of thinking, and it has made me happy with myself and I looked at my surroundings with sober mindedness, enabled to control my emotion, channelled it into positive directions, being calmer, able to love and understand others more.
Chapter 6 New Home with Old Story
My life in Chiang Mai began with melancholy as we parted again. At this time, I had to design and build the first small home, with my own hands, my strength and my hard work. But when that time came you won’t be growing up with me here but I have you in my heart all the time. I understand in every way and things that I received from you, I had come to know that you understand me every way too. I was glad that I had an opportunity to bring you up the best I could, you turned to be like my best friend. Not only that, my heart most important desire was that, you should be a good friend to everyone in this world. Like Mike always told me that we should be the best friend to each other, and try to understand each other as in one song that I liked listen to, its lyric was about friendship “I am the heart of the people”. Talking about learning art, at this point in time, I used to disagree with you when you decided to take major in art like me, but today, I understood that you should follow your own dream. You, yourself chose to love art, I thought that partly came from my influence on your life. I told myself that how I could run away from myself and the best thing was to face and looked it from positively and face the truth of what you truly want and after all it’s the dream you created on your own. It’s liked what you said to me, “I had got an inspiration from mother because I saw mother painting and design ever since I was a little boy”. The last time you told me, was on our conversation when I had turned my back on designing and art, which the two of us love, it might be the truth when you said “Drawing would teach us concentration and it kept our heart focused on the drawing while we were doing it”. I went back and started drawing again. Drawing was like the means of therapy and the cure of my illness. I was able to forget this painful feeling and I no longer dwelled in the past, as this thing was poisonous to my heart all the time. I told myself that I would look at the world from positively. I started new attitude from deciding to support you in your love for art which resonant within yourself, through my influence.
Chapter 7 Departing from England, the land you love to live!
Some might think that it was a sacrifice when I left you but the truth was that it’s better for you to live with your father. This decision was a means of protection as I did not want you to witness marital disputes, disagreement and differences between your father and I. Because it could confuse and disrupt you. AS your father and I were different like chalk and cheese, I wondered why I had only just come to know that your father and I had hardly any thing in common at all. The only thing that bound our love together and enabled us to carry on living together for 11 years was a share love of art, as we were working in the same field. I had to thank your father for the good times while together as husband and wife in the UK. Your father loved me and chose to go along with me even though it was always against his will. Your father wanted me to be happy and became a good listener, agreed with me, and gladly met my requests. He didn’t argue, was good at keeping his reputation all the time at all cost. Your father would have a happy mood while watching TV or sitting down to do some work. He could work all day without me by his side. One thing that I would like to hear from your father is “Forgive”. It’s the only thing that I wanted to hear before I departed from you
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